What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
-- 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
-- 45 mins.
What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
-- Sexual Harassment.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
-- $3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
-- The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
-- The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
-- Humpme Dumpme.
What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
-- Marriage.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
-- None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
-- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
What have men and floor tiles got in common?
-- If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
What is a man's view of safe sex?
-- A padded headboard.
How do men sort their laundry?
-- "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
-- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
-- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
-- A battery has a positive side.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
-- Two mothers-in-law.
What do you call a smart blonde?
-- A golden retriever.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
-- The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still
carry a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony?
-- The woman who ate the last donut.
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